


The Light

by osatsu_11



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, Bromance, Character Death, Family, Multi, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osatsu_11/pseuds/osatsu_11
Summary: The world was in sorrow.Photos about One Ok Rock was spread all over the net. People gave their condolences, hoping the situation will be getting better. Not the swollen faces they had stealing the world's attentions, instead the black costumes they were wearing did. Their leader who was also the only guitarist and one of the frontmen was there, giving statements. But the other frontman was nowhere in those headlines to give some sentence.That day, the usual, hyperactive One Ok Rock was nowhere to be found in every corner in this world.





	1. One

The world was in sorrow.

Photos about One Ok Rock, the foursome top Japanese band was spread all over the net. People gave their condolences, hoping the situation will be getting better. The three members’ face were also popped out in headlines, their faces were swollen—Ryota's was the worst—with fresh tears still streamed down through their reddish cheeks from their—also swollen and red—eyes. Tomoya was there on headlines, patting Ryota's unstoppably shaking shoulder. Their leader who was also the only guitarist and one of the frontmen was there, too. But the other frontman was nowhere in those headlines to give some sentence.

It was unusually Toru who was speaking, in normal days, normal terms, he would just sit, letting someone else speaks, but not today. Today, everything went wrong, he had to speak replacing the accustomed person, giving statements and words, while giving all of his to hold his shaken deep voice to make it stable and people could hear clearly. Tomoya just patted, really, just patted Ryota's shoulder, his grins were gone, his smiles were faded away, although no one's smacking his head. Ryota beside him couldn't feel anything but emptiness. He used to be having someone whom he could lean, whom he could pour all his emotions and given what he needed like a figure of mother in this foursome band. It was not like Tomoya's pats were not enough, he just felt empty without the certain person.

Not the swollen faces they had stealing the world's attentions, instead the black costumes they were wearing did, also their background in which people all in black were walking here and there, with clouds in their faces.

That day, the usual, hyperactive One Ok Rock was nowhere to be found in every corner in this world.

 

* * *

 

November 2018 was the time when Taka headed to Osaka for handling something urgent. He did not refuse to go when his band was informed that urgent matter by which at least a member should fly there and he had himself decided to do it since his beloved wife asked him Osaka's sweets. Yes, a wife. He had married in early 2018, his birthmonth, April. With no worries, he flew using a jet advertised by his band after had changed kisses with his wife and patted her belly. He left with peace, happy mood with his band waved at him, and his wife saw him off. It took more than an hour in sky to reach the hotel in Osaka. Still, it was not a brief time. For him, an impatient person, it was an hour of hell. He should sit, do nothing but some little things. As his feet stomped his bedroom, he passed out, tired of doing nothing, straightly went into deep sleep, failed to notice how crazy his phone was vibrating.

 

* * *

 

Taka got up after two hours. His eyes almost popped out of its skull when he got up and having 40 or so missed calls from Tomoya since twenty minutes ago, it meant two calls in a minute. It was very unusual for Tomoya calling him that much, even for the most urgent thing they ever had—Toru was fainted after their live in 2015—those calls never reach twenties.

He hastily pressed his buttons and wait for Tomoya to hung up. That such a brief moment was felt like forever for him—even much longer that the time he took to fly there.

_“Takahiro!”_

Tomoya's loud voice vined the technology, came through his ear. He’d like to say something, or yell something for waking him up with that bunch of calls. But he had his lips zipped tightly. His heartbeat pumped his veins roughly, so rough that he could hear the thumps near his ears.

Judging from the tone Tomoya used, something should be gone wrong.

Whatever it is.

_What's wrong with them? Toru-san? Or perhaps Ryota?_

He just managed to open his zipped lips, but Tomoya made him speaking nothing.

_“Go home, now!”_

Some impulse, a strange one, an uneasy one crawled over his body through his nerves, turning his alarm on and before he realized, he already dashed to the main street, took a cab while informing someone to drive him back to Tokyo by only bringing his body and phone on ears. He forgot all his luggage, he forgot his wallet, he forgot everything, all he could remember and notice right now was only Tomoya's speaking, telling him that his wife was hospitalized since his first call.

It was also a luck the sky wasn't too crowd at the moment, he spent another exactly the same an hour or so in the sky, the same long, boring time, but this time was a bit different. He didn't relax, he didn't play even a song. All he could do just sat stock-still. Solemnly hoped that this metal birds would bring him faster, that was what the jet company had promised to their customers after all. He ran as the jet door had opened toward a car—a familiar one—which already waited for him, the driver was stood leaning to the door, with mask and sunglasses, waiting him.

“Tomoya!” Taka shouted, made some people turned their head over him, whispering, the name of the One Ok Rock’s vocalist.

Tomoya's anxious—covered—face relieved a bit, he opened the door and jumped to the driver's seat. Taka did follow, he did almost two-meters-length jump to get into the car. He would worry his waist later. Before the door was closed perfectly, Tomoya had stricken the pedal, wheeling the car through the—again with luck—empty road.

“What abo—”

“Listen,” Tomoya bite Taka's tongue making him shut his gaped mouth, he knew how serious it was, so he retreated to smack Tomoya's head for cutting his saying, “your wife calls Toru hours ago, she was in pain when she calls him, when Toru reaches your house, she really was in bad condition,” said Tomoya, it was not like he was indifferent about Taka's feeling, definitely not, but Taka had to know this, had to know what had happened to his family, “apparently she fell from stairs, she has examined, and seemingly she is in bad shape,” Tomiya halted, he prepared his heart first, “it's furthered Taka, your wife delivers your kid right now.”

 

* * *

 

“She's fucking 36 weeks!” yelled Taka to Tomoya when those two men were walking in fast paces through hospital's corridor. He had his tongue tied when Tomoya told him his wife was delivering since he sensed something abnormal yet he didn't know what it was. Just when they reached the hospital, he came up with realization that his wife wasn't supposed to give birth at the moment. She needed at least a week, just one week, seven fucking days to deliver a normal newborn.

Tomoya didn't say anything. He had cat got his tongue, his brain refused to seek a word to be spoken, he just let Takahiro cursed a lot of inappropriate words for kids to hear, as long as Taka kept walking fast, he didn't throw gruff.

The room where Tomoya guide him to could be seen, in first floor, almost on the edge, an ER—Emergency Room. Takahiro could see Toru and Ryota sat in the chair near a door, ER number 3. The now brunette leader immediately stood when he saw Takahiro heading over him. Toru opened the door, from afar, Taka could hear he was telling the hospital staff that the husband has arrived. It was suddenly felt way too real when Taka heard the working machine sounds, the doctor instructions, the sharp, disturbing smell of antiseptics, those all stormed into Taka’s head. Soon, he found himself was held by Tomoya and Ryota and his body was hurt for rebelling when nurses had forbid him to enter.

“She's in there,” he whispered with heartbreaking tone. “I have to be there.”

“I know, I know Ta—”

“No, you didn't!” cried Taka, now full of anger. He was in chaos—for the hell is why not? He didn't care how much Tomoya cared for him and wanted to soothe him, he lost his mind right now. His dearest wife, the only woman who breaks Taka's strong belief that marriage is useless and nonsense, was there, in unbearable pain which Taka always hates. No matter it occurs on him or other people. “Your wife is healthy, so does your kid, and mine, mine is not… it comes early than it should be, she's hurt, and my kid, he maybe… he can't—”

Taka choked, losing his tongue as tears trailed down his bony yet flustered healthy cheeks. Tomoya who stood before him casted down his tears. Ryota was already welling up, sobbing silently, while Toru, he just stood. Did nothing said nothing. Tomoya brought Taka into his embrace as the singer’s hiccups went louder, Tomoya had to bit his lips that sobs wouldn't be slipped out of his mouth. He is the oldest, Taka needed someone to lean right now. He should be strong. “Taka... ssh, I'm here,” he shushed him, stroke Taka's shaking shoulder gently, “there, there.”

Minutes passed by, Taka, being tired for draining his tears, he let Tomoya's embrace go with hiccups still blocking his breath. Guided by Tomoya, he sat on the chair between Tomoya and Ryota. Negativity had controlled his head, he couldn' do anything but thinking worst thing. About how his life might be if his wife couldn't resist. About his life if his baby couldn't live. About his life if both of them couldn't survive. Ten minutes had passed after Taka's imagining things. Taka had expected—hoped the green lamp over the surgery door room would turned off and doctors, along with his wife on the bed was coming out, yet only the second one that really happened. The doctor came out, alone, even though the green lamp hadn't turned off. Taka's heart sank. His mind went crazy, speculating lot of thing crazier that he couldn't even recognize those things.

“Taka-san?” said the masked doctor eyed Taka behind his googled eyes. “Please come in.”

Taka cut their eye contact off and looked at his members, Tomoya smiled a bit and nodded, so did Ryota. He healed lot of air beforehand, having his back patted by Tomoya, he tailed the doctor entering the surgery room. The hospital staff gave him certain clothes, also mask for his face and hair.

Soon after, a really sharp scent filled his lungs again, some beeps sound from varied machines echoed at the same time, hence, Taka paid no heed about all of those things which usually made him throws tantrums. He only paid attention to a woman on the bed, had green sheets all over her, covering his view from her belly.

“Ta… ka?” weak, a panted voice greeted the stunned him amidst those beeps. Roughly gulping his spit, Taka walked closer to the bed, and his heart sank even deeper immediately. His wife's skin was pale, so pale like no blood streamed her veins. Thick black circle circled her eyes which were blink slowly, very slow, very weak.

“I-I…” Taka couldn't finish his words. His shaking, cold, sweaty palm moved, brushed that pale skin.

“I'm… glad,” said she difficulty, behind the respiratory support tool, “you're… here.”

Taka bit his lower lip hard. He still couldn't find a word to be spoken.

“Our… kid, he's born… boy… so small… like you…” her breath became slower and more difficult, it was really obvious that she really put her best to say words, last words, “sorry, I… can't help you… raising him…”

The now dry and swollen eyes of Taka now was watering again. Big, salty globules were formed, ready to slide down. “No,” said he with hoarse voice.

“I'm sad… really, but… hap—py, rai…se him—well…  _ne?”_

 

* * *

 

“Where's Toru-san?” the earlier doctor came out again, this time he was looking for Toru, the band leader. Sadly, Toru wasn't there. Only Tomoya and Ryota who faithfully sat there waiting their little vocalist.

“He’s out, what's happen?” Tomoya who asked, while Ryota was asking the same thing with gaze.

The doctor didn't answer rightly, he wondered something before spoke, “One of you please come in.”

* * *

 

_To be Continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is inspired by Be The Light, I just attached to that song and I'm wondering where I have gone and just listened to it recently.
> 
> I do make Taka has wife, but it's still Toruka hohoho~
> 
> Just bromance though :)))
> 
> Hope you like it.
> 
> The next chapter will be posted in 5 days hopefully.
> 
> Ps. I know I'm so mean making this kind of fic.


	2. Two

 

_PSSSSHH_

Toru opened a can of dense and black coffee he had bought from the nearest vending machine. He inhaled his cigarette, ignoring the coughs that might come after, he didn't care about that, his heart was aching like crazy already for seeing the wailing Taka. For seeing the weak side of Taka. For witnessing the desperate Taka. He never have used—never wants—to witness those such things. Always made him lost his mind, lost himself. So he ran away.

He'd prefer to be in the hospital park, smoking, sipping black, bitter coffee, than in that cold, sorrowful corridor. If he could, he would be gone to the park by the time Taka arrives, but he couldn't. He was afraid, afraid that Taka might be doing some reckless thing and he wasn't there to prevent it. So he ran away when Taka entered the room.

From his belief, inside the room, Taka wouldn't do reckless thing, Taka wouldn't do anything irresponsible wherever his wife was around. So it was his chance to run away.

He sipped the black liquid again, then bit his second cigarette. He just managed to turn the lighter on when someone stomped the ground really close before him. Toru looked up, Tomoya was there panting insanely, his hair was all messed, his face was red, like tomatoes for no one knew why. Sad? Or… angry?

Before Toru knew the reason why Tomoya's face was all red, his collar was grabbed first, his bitten cigarette fell off his lips, fell to the frozen ground. Tomoya pulled him roughly until the drummer nose almost touched his.

“The hell are you doing?!” shouted he, now Toru knew the reason of the reddish Tomoya's face: anger.

“ _Cough,”_ Toru let a cough out, his throat was burning, was it because of the cigarettes? He'd better threw all of the packs right away. “Smoking.”

Through his half-opened eyes, Toru could see, distinctly, Tomoya's lips were shaking, holding every emotion that could explode in no time. He also felt Tomoya's grip went stronger as the drummer held his palm to not punch Toru's cheek. “Whatever,” said Tomoya eventually, “come with me.”

“Where— _cough,”_ asked Toru, resisting his remain footing when Tomoya grabbed his arm.

“Any idea but Takahiro's place?” sarcastically, Tomoya asked, not so-like him.

“Good news? Bad news?”

Tomoya stopped his pulling, he also released Toru's arm. He averted his eyes from Toru's, “Very bad.”

“I won't go.”

“The fuck?!”

Tomoya’s eyes were on Toru again, but this time was Toru whose cold shoulder faced Tomoya, “I'll bring you all dinner, I'll catch you up later, take care of Taka for me,” with that, the band leader walked away, leaving Tomoya dumbfounded.

But today, everything went wrong. Not only Toru, Tomoya also lost his own self, he padded approaching Toru with fast movement, forced the brunette to looked him back, and was panting after had the younger was punched on the cheek. They were so lucky, no one but them in that park or gossips about them fighting in the hospital will dominate news after a blink, just had to wait those printers finished working.

Toru grunted as the pain stung him hard, he could taste the metal-like liquid on his mouth. Except the pain, he didn't feel anything, not even surprised having Tomoya punched him hard, he had expected Tomoya—even Ryota—would be at least mad, that was a normal people would do after all.

“Why are you acting like this?” cried Tomoya, his patience was gone, drained to the most bottom level. “Takahiro needs us, he need you! He always be a person we can turn to, where are you going when he turns to us? Where are you going when he’s like this? Why… Why are you become so... weak?” Tomoya once again lost his breath panting heavily, he looked at Toru who shed his blood trailing his chin with head down.

“I am indeed— _cough_ weak,” said the brunette still eyeing his feet, his hair covered his eyes that Tomoya couldn't see it. “I am so weak that I can't face him. I can't Tomoya, it's so fucking hard beyond you'd expect for.

“It’s all my fault, if I am not this weak, I might be able to soothe Taka, to soothe you all, but I'm not, I can't. _Cough, cough!_ If… if I'm not weak, I wouldn't be ill like this, coughing over and over again, feverish body, and I would go there to Osaka instead of him. So he could be here, by his wife's side until the last time or even prevent accident happened. However… I'm very weak that Taka's wife should have me instead her husband, it feels like I'm cheating on them, it feels like I'm stealing their last, precious time. Can't you… can't you just let me go?”

 

* * *

 

 

In hospital lobby, Ryota was holding Taka's hands tightly when Tomoya comes back. Taka’s head was held down, dark bangs covering his eyes preventing Tomoya to see what inside, however, the drummer knew, Taka wasn't crying even a drop. He couldn't cry anymore.

“Tomo-kun,” called Ryota, “where's Toru?”

Hearing the name of Toru, Taka looked up, rolling his glance to Tomoya. As those night eyes stared him, Tomoya's chest tightened, those marbles which were glancing at him were dry, yet red, swollen, and empty, very much not so like him, whose hyperactivity was beyond belief of so many people including Tomoya. Didn't manage finding words to say, Tomoya just shrugged, shook his head a bit. At the moment, for the first time ever, Tomoya hoped solemnly he would get smacked on forehead for being a _baka_.

And of course smacks didn't come. The supposed to be the culprit stared his feet again as if his feet were the most beautiful feet in the world.

“Takahiro…”

“I don't know…” said Taka with hoarse voice, losing its high pitched angelic tone, feeling numb for everything but sadness and pain, “what to do… what I wanna do… what I should do…” said he with a voice which was weaker and weaker as seconds passed.

“Yo-your baby is gonna be alright, he just needs some—”

“Can I raise him well with no mother?” Taka cut Ryota short, his voice was brittle as if he was in the verge of tears—or he was, “I don't know either.”

“We'll help you for sure,” uttered Tomoya, he crouched down, looked right in Taka’s night sky eyes. “Kaori and—”

“I am a rebel for my parents, I regret it… really do… but now… with no mother, what—what should I do… if he starts becoming like me? I'm failed, a failure, how—”

“You're not.”

Taka stopped talking as someone, neither Tomoya nor Ryota, spoke. It was female’s vocal chords, a new one yet familiar. Taka recognized that bring up memories voice. He ogled aside with a tiny part of his self didn't believe what he just heard, whom he just though of. Not afar from his sitting, therein lies a middle-aged woman, she stood with sweat was all over her face, looking at Taka with genuine gentle gaze, with a pair of eyes identical to Taka. “Takahiro, you're not a failure, sweetheart, you’re always be my splendid boy.”

The already dried eyes of Taka became wet again, he said with a lump in his throat, very weak, very miserable, “ _Kaa-_ san…”

Moriuchi Masako hasted towards her big boy. Sprightly, Ryota shifted, sparing space for the mother to give her son a big hug. Without delayed, Taka circled his arms around Masako, sinking his face on Masako's shoulder, pouring all his bottled emotions.

 

* * *

 

Toru didn't go home after had parted with Tomoya. He never left the hospital since he dropped Taka's wife hours ago, he was still in hospital area, looking at the cafeteria seeking for something edible for his vocalist. Taka left Tokyo in early afternoon, and came back that fast, he must skip his dinner. “Sushi… or cup ramen— _achoo!”_ Toru placed his palm on his mouth, covering the viruses to not spread as his flu seemed to be an endless ill.

“Are you okay, Ojii-chan?”

A disembodied voice of a boy hailed him. Toru looked down, a little man, five or so years old was standing near him all of sudden, a ball in his embrace, and a lollipop in his mouth. With his round eyes, he eyed Toru full of curiosity.

_Ojii-chan?_

“Ye— _cough! Cough!_ Yeah… just a bit sick,” said Toru croaky. He crouched so he could make an eye contact with the kid whose height only reached his thighs.

“You have to look your health more, _ojii-chan_ ,” said the kid. He drew a smile which reminded Toru with Tomoya, wide, broad, and gummy. Ah… he should apologize to the drummer later.

“I will.”

“If you didn't,” –the kid flinched a bit as Toru sneezed again— “you'll die like my dog.”

“Hahaha…”

“Not funny, it's sad, she died after had caught flu and her husband abandoned the infants alone, what a cruel. It’s lucky enough they have us. Or the puppies surely will die, what a poor.”

Toru commented nothing, something invisible filled his chest that made it feels stuffy and his throat went dry for he didn't know why. He felt a bit uneasy about Taka and his newborn. He blamed himself for being a useless leader at the time like this, on the other hand, he couldn't do anything for the guilty inside him. What if he were the one who had to go throughout this matter? Could he be able to hold those feelings? Could he be able to think straight? Of course not. So was Taka. So were all the normal human.

What should he say when he meets Taka?

“I'm sorry!”

Another stranger voice caught Toru off balance. This time was a woman, a late teenager girl popped out from nowhere, and now bowed deeply to Toru. “I'm this kid guardian, I'm sorry if he bothers you.”

“Ah… no…” said Toru near the truth.

“I'm so sorry, excuse us, then,” the girl bowed again and pulled her son, or her brother—whomever the kid was to her—away.

“Bye, _ojii-chan!”_

The kid bid him goodbye, Toru smiled a bit, waving his hand just for courtliness. After the kid turned on the corner and gone from his sight, his smile was also disappeared.

He wondered what Taka was doing right now. Was he still crying?

Should he go to the others' place—

_DRRRRRT_

His phone had vibrated afore he could decide what he will do, he fished the box, Ryota was calling him. He raised his eyebrow wondering why Ryota called him when Tomoya had already given up bringing him back. He pressed the green button, “Hel—”

_“Mori-chan's gone!”_

Brutally, blankness engulfed his inner head, those words became somekind of magic words occurring a blackout into the mind of Toru who found himself already sprinted carelessly with no distinct place to head to failing to catch the moment when he placed his phone, he will think about it later anyway. He bit his lower lips as his stomach wrenched by the thought of Taka being so desperate as negative living thing. He was wrong. He shouldn't have left him in the first place, from its very beginning. He dashed here and there like a mad dog. Every inch of the park, toilets, and even roof had visited by him, yet that dark haired man was still unaccountable. After the blackout had diminished, here came fear abruptly crept his body, up from his legs to head.

It was bad, he would never find Taka at this rate, he should calm down first. Toru shut his eyes, letting his lungs get what they needed for a second to calm down. He knew Taka more than 10 years, he knew him, they remained unchanged even though many people said One Ok Rock was changed in music style. Taka was still Taka, so was him. And Taka, despite being a pain of ass sometimes, was a full of kindness beautiful person. Moreover, he just became a dad of a premature baby. A long-awaited baby.

“Incubation.”

It was just a simply random conclusion, yet, with that, Toru moved his feet again, the slightest thought of how hurt the muscles would be aching like crazy the day after was put aside, not a priority. Having Taka completely fine, unscathed both physically and mentally, was much more important. He carelessly avoided people to not crash, sprinted as if he had someone was after him. He read the signboards, inwardly hoped the staffs never forget to update those arrows.

Fortunately, he was in a well-managed hospital. Without being lost, soon, a room with _Incubation_ laid before him. With Taka stood there, facing the glass wall with doleful face. Though he had Taka look like a lost kid, Toru released a relief sigh. It was the best he could wish for. Yet he took no steps preferring to fetch his phone—which was found inside his pocket—up instead, plotting to call Ryota telling him Taka’s whereabouts—

“Toru-san.”

But Taka's voice called him had stopped him. He looked up and those night sky eyes were looking in his eyes.

“Don't call them, I wanna be alone for awhile.”

Hereafter, it took seconds for Toru to nod. He stroed his phone in his pocket. He couldn't refuse Taka's request, let alone left the latter himself. As Taka didn't turn his existence down, Toru paced closer at the snail pace to buy time for his mind to think what to say.

Together, they looked inside the incubation filled with only five boxes. Three on the corner, the furthest from the musicians' footing, the babies were sleeping, one was visited by its parents—mother on the wheeled chair—and the last one was the nearest box from their footing, a tiny one whose right hand was circled with a bracelet in which _MORIUCHI-SAN’S_ was written on its surface. Before Toru could say whatever crossed in his mind, Taka had called him with brittle voice, “How will One Ok—no, what will you do if I were gone, quit the band?”

All at once, Toru threw his glance over Taka whose eyes never left the sleeping baby. There was a brief unpleasant silent until Toru dictated, “Explain.”

Takahiro had taken a quick glance at him before eyed his son again, “I don't wanna raise him, I am a rebellious, I'll surely make a bad father for him. I can… send him to an orphanage, letting him grows happily far from bad influences came from me.”

“Ta—”

“Yet it feels so wrong if I abandoned my kid and doing music things, so I want a break, from him, from the band.”

Rage took control over Toru, he grabbed Taka's bony shoulder forcing him to see Toru in eyes. “You—”

“ _Ara,_  what a young parents, visiting your baby _?”_ From the door, the mother on the wheeled chair rolled out, she smiled warmly to the both of the startled men. “What's wrong with the baby?”

“He… is born a week faster than normal term,” answered Taka scratching the back of his neck feeling awkward and uneasy.

“Ah… hope your baby will be fine.”

Taka just smiled while Toru—again—did nothing.

“Mine is a month faster, she's okay now, yours is in better condition, don't worry about your kid, _ne?_ ”

“Thank you.”

Both the parents bowed a bit and turned around walked away after the both men had bowed. Toru looked at Taka whose smile was fading, Taka was a great actor, he could pretend nothing was wrong while he was broken inside, what Toru was glad for: Taka never tells lies to him, never uses that actor-like side of him.

“I don't think so.”

Taka laid eyes on his guitarist questioning what he meant.

“You have never been a parent, how can you know whether you’re a bad one? Except… you have been keeping a child behind my back.”

“The hell, no!”

“That's why, try it. You said yourself, be afraid that you didn't try.”

“It’s not just a simple try, if I can't do that, the one who will be in pain is him, not me,” said Taka thickly, “and it's unfair using lyrics.”

The dark eyes of Taka casted gloom gush as he fell back to the thought of their soon to be out album. That album was a new thing, with different style, a challenging one. He always feels challenged to try new things as he believes those new things would make him better human kind, better musician, better singer, but better father? He was skeptical. He always sacrifices something when he challenged himself, whether or not it would be a big loss for him—or the band—he kept accepting those challenges with the others permission. Meanwhile, the prevailing challenge had no likeness by all means with the has been challenges. It sacrificed human being, more importantly, his own son.

Would he do it? Could he do it?

“Taka-san,” Taka turned his head as someone called him, a nurse who likely worked in the incubation stood near the door, “your son can be visited now, he's stable, he must want his parent to see him.”

Taka stared at his feet, should he do it?

“I… don't know…” Taka thought for a moment. He, then, stared at Toru, pleading to be accompanied.

“I’m still sick, Taka.”

“Yes, unfortunately only parents who’s allowed to enter.”

Once again Taka threw glance over Toru before slowly nodded.

The nurse opened the door for the frontman and guided them to the certain incubation box. Taka stepped forward, he looked at his baby closer. He surely was tiny, his length was about a half of Taka's  full arm, he was sleeping, breathed with supporting tools with some tool patched on his body, his chest, his abdomen, maintaining—and might be supporting—his heartbeat. He already had hair, black and thick, a bit curly portraying his father perfectly.

“So tiny…”

“Indeed, but not that tiny for a week-earlier baby born, he becomes stable fast and healthy, he's strong,” praised the nurse.

“I see, glad to hear,” Taka smiled.

“Wanna touch him?”

Taka confusedly looked at the nurse, he thought he comes just to see. “Won't he get sick if I touch him?”

“Of course not, you'll use gloves anyway, well, unless you do have some infectious-by-touching illness.”

“Ah—no…”

The nurse let a soft chuckle out and opened some circle thing on incubation, similarly to a window in bird-house. There were four circles and she opened the closest to his son's head one.

“ _Douzo,”_ the nurse shifted a bit to give Taka space and fished a bottle of gloves.

Taka took one and covered his hand with that rubber elastic thing, put his hand in about to touch the baby skin, but he halted when the air between his gloved hand with the baby cheek was an inch. Again insecurity filled his lungs when no one’s asking, he looked at the nurse again only for having the nurse nodded convincing him. Very slow, at snail pace, Taka’s tip fingers approached the purplish skin. He took a deep breath before officially touched the baby's soft cheek. Although he touched it through a rubber, he could feel its warmth, the plumpness, the softness, it was alluring. And he was successfully allured by that.

The world had known Taka loves kids. He always look good with children, Taka was, too, aware of how he likes kids so much, but never he felt like this before. The feeling when he touched a kid making butterflies inside his stomach flew around, the air inside his chest was expanding, making its cavity full with pleasant vibes, creating some funny sensation he had never felt before.

“Breathtaking, right?”

Taka ignored the nurse's saying, for him, it was only him and the baby at the moment, he also forgot about Toru who waited for him outside. All he had done just touching its cheek, yet he felt like he was receiving the most priceless, best present. Delightful.

From the baby's cheek, his hand moved to the baby tiny hand. Those tiny bity fingers immediately gripped Taka's tip finger as Taka touched it, weak, almost like touching nothingness, but real, and existed.

“He grips it…” whispered he, “he grips my hand.”

* * *

_To be Continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm... is it appropriate to 'name' Taka's son? Since the next chapter will be mentioning the baby.
> 
> Please give me your opinion :)
> 
> The next chapter will be posted on Thursday


	3. Three

 

Taka got out from the sterile room after five minutes and this time he completely wanted to be alone. He therefore passed Toru by when the younger asked him whether he was doing well. Toru insisted to go with him, eventually, Taka just smiled to him and said he needed to think something by only himself and promised he would just think without doing anything. Seeing no chance this time, hence, Toru opted to go back to the others were, informing Taka had preferred to be alone, so badly.

“He will be okay… right?” asked Ryota. The three of them were sitting on the lobby, Masako wasn't there anymore, she had left—Taka told her that he would catch Tomoya and Ryota up, even the truth is he didn't go after them, and wandered alone for a change—and gone back to prepare the burial and book a place for the parents of Taka's wife to stay since they were coming from afar.

“Hopefully so…” said Toru. He coughed again, made himself comfy between Ryota and Tomoya. They sat with no one spoke, nor even Tomoya, they just sat, waiting their little vocalist to come back.

Gradually, the clock on the wall near the receptionist ticked, it was past midnight, and Taka’s presence was unlikely to come back soon. Toru whose hands held his phone in case Taka would phone him asking where they are kept opening his half-opened eyes while letting the others leant their head on his shoulders. They were tired, Taka was tired, and he, being not in the best shape from the very beginning, felt at worst. His muscles were aching, his breathing became harder, he couldn't even tell Tomoya's shampoo. Nonetheless, he couldn't sleep for even a blink.

“Better go find Taka,” whispered he more to himself, it was a merely quiet whisper, still, it woke Tomoya up.

“Where will you go?” said the drummer with sleepy tone.

“Incubation, maybe?”

“Incubation?”

“He was there before.”

“Oh…” said he, shifted to Toru's former place so Ryota could continue his sleeping. “Toru…”

Tomoya hauled Toru whose feet already took its third steps. Toru looked back, questioning Tomoya with his dead-fish eyes.

“Sorry for punching you.”

“Hm… no problem, I’ve done to you much more.”

Tomoya held his chuckle, restraining Ryota from awakening, “Right.”

“I'm off.”

“Toru,” once again, Tomoya had made Toru halted in his steps, “thank you for being our leader,” said he with smile was curved on his lips.

“Why so sudden?”

“Hm…” –Tomoya shook his head— “just grateful having you.”

“Creepy.”

“I am.”

Toru chuckled and walked away after had bid goodbye. As his steps were echoing through the wall, Toru’s thought was pulled back to the facial expression Taka had had back then in the incubation. A new one, an expression of Taka he had never seen. Which one? Sad? Glad? Scared? Confused? Disappointed? Or angry? Toru clenched his jaws, he knew Taka for more than 10 years and had never been failing for understanding Taka, this was surely the first time he had failed to define Taka's feeling and it made him wanted to smash his head hard to the nearest wall.

As he kept smashing his head in his imagination, before he could reach that sterile room, Toru had recognized Taka’s back at the park beforehand. The vocalist was sitting on a bench, looking down at his laps with starry night sky as background and crickets scrubbing their wings as backsound, doing whatever Toru couldn't see what that was.

“Taka?” called Toru carefully, having Taka was startled was a big no-no. The ears of Taka flinched and he straightened his body turning around only to find Toru whose feet walked toward him and sat next to him. “What are you doing here? You can catch cold.”

“Say it to yourself, Toru-san,” said Taka scoffing playfully.

Toru blinked in surprise for the thrift of Taka's mood. He seemed much better and color had arrived his skin. It was good, really, but it was also too sudden and unexpectedly fast. Well, it was Taka in all honesty, whose mood had been well known swings ceaselessly.

“What's with that face?” –Toru raised an eyebrow, did he make a weird face?— “I'm okay now, sorry for the burdens,” said Taka shrugging his shoulders.

Toru noted it and wondered whether the shrug was just a camouflage to cover the fact Taka was actually frozen. It was a cold night, it was still November even though there was still no snow mounting on the ground after all. And it felt really weird for Toru seeing Taka—whose tolerance toward coldness is very low—outside buildings with no thick jacket protecting him the breeze wind to blow his bony figure.

“You ought to go inside, Toru-san,” said Taka without facing him, “you can't let your flu get worsen.”

“I'm better now,” said the leader leaning his back to the wooden backrest. “Coughs hasn't been back for awhile.”

“Oh… what a relief.”

Toru just nodded.

No one talked but the crickets after that. Taka was busying himself playing with paper in his hand, folding it, unfolding it, and folding it back, whatever it was written, it was wrinkled here and there now. Toru, too, didn't bother to break the cozy silent. He still had something that more uneasy than the silence in his chest. Things that stuffed his chest so he barely could breathe. Things about how he still believed it was his fault, for being useless, for being easy to catch cold, and for being a bad leader. He blamed all to himself stuffed them simultaneously in his chest.

“Taka…” he began breaking the silence with mutters, he inhaled first in case he will be strangled to death for losing capability for breathing, “did you blame me?”

“For what?”

Toru silenced his mouth for a moment. What should he begin with?

“For… you know, if I'm not sick—weak, you might be able to… stay… by your wife side, and… spending time, and stuffs.”

“Ah, that…” Taka halted, “I do…”

Although he did prepare himself hearing Taka's answer, he still felt the wrenches in his chest depriving all his capability to breathe. Here came after, the uneasy, the pain, he tried to bear those all with a simple sigh, “No wonder… sorry.”

“At first.”

“Huh?”

“Blaming you… I blame you only at the first,” –Taka unfolded the paper— “when I lost my mind, when I don't know what to blame and ended up blaming everything instead.

“Blaming myself for slipping out rightly without checking my phone, blaming the jet company for being so slow, the world for being so wide, Tomoya who still respects a grandma crossing the road, him for obeying traffic laws, the hospital for placing ER on the edge, the wall for getting in my way, the doors for being… doors, you… for not there soothing me and just standing like a fucking wall.

“Everything seems so wrong to me, that they're not supposed to be there, like their existence just makes me feel at worst, I did really lose my mind,” Taka ended his sentences with a soft chuckle and snort. There was a brief moment of silence again, before Taka speak his mind out of the blue, “If… I were gone, will you seek for another vocalist?”

That weak, and be barely heard words by Taka blew Toru’s mind. That time Toru wanted to pretend it wasn't real, or it was just a simple wild dream. But no, the breeze wind blew his hair, the sound of nocturnal animals, those crickets sounds, those were felt so fucking real and nothing was undeniable.

Toru was able to breathe now, he took a deep breath hurriedly, “Wha— _cough, cough!_ ” and was choked by that.

“You really have to go inside, Toru-san, see what I'm saying?”

“ _Cough, cough!_ No,” Toru finally could hold his coughs and speak with dry throat, he snuffled first, “what are you up to—what… why are you saying like that? Moreover, twice in a day? You wanna kill me?”

Taka laughed dryly, “Why do I intend to kill you in tge first place?”

“Then—”

“I… wanna raise him, that kid,” said Taka breaking their eye contact gazing at the stars, “he… you know… I’ve touched him and… it was… I don't know… just… I come up to know, suddenly, I don't feel like leaving him in this cruel world alone,” Taka inhaled the cold air and looked in Toru's dead-eyes “but I can't do both, Toru, One Ok Rock and raising kid… it's just too much.”

A sudden realization burst into Toru's head about the expression Taka was made that time. It was mixed. Sad for losing his wife. Glad for having his kid alive. Scared for not being able to be a good parent. Confused for designating between raising kid or doing the band. Disappointed to himself for not being able to decide. And angry because… well, it was Taka after all. That lot of emotion were weighing on his little shoulder that couldn't even heave his own goods sometimes.

“We can take hiatus,” blurt Toru knocking Taka out.

“You sure?” said Taka after got himself back after seconds.

“Why am I not?”

Taka looked at Toru as if he were looking at an alien, “We stepped closer to the world entertainment, to our long-sought dream, take a break in this time… our album, our singles… are you… why aren't you seeking—intending to seek a new vocalist instead?”

“No way! _Wanoku_ is you, me, Tomoya and Ryota—”

“Alex,” Taka cut Toru short, “we did replace him and become foursome, are you sure you won't make it threesome?”

“Hell no—”

“It's hard to believe you in my position! I can't help since my mind keeps telling me once I raise my kid and put you guys aside, you'll surely be walking away, leaving me behind whether or not with new member—”

“Taka—”

“—and I'm scared, I can die without One Ok Rock, I can do nothing but that, it's so fucking hard, I can't decide, I'm thinking about begging you on my knees to spare my role yet it feels like I’m on the band way, I don't wa—”

“Takahiro!”

Taka was staggered.

He flinched and stopped talking not because the high tone Toru had just used, but by the _nickname_ Toru had used. Toru only calls him with Taka or Mori-chan, he calls him as Takahiro in three terms: when he was sad, when he was angry, and when he wanted to be listened. And at the current term, Taka was sure Toru wanted him to pay attention at him.

“I won't leave you behind, we won't, Ryota and Tomoya, too, they do have kid as well, they will might be gladly accept hiatus period, we won't seek a new member, we won't move our feet even an inch without you, believe me, I'm your leader.”

That’s right.

Taka went speechless. He was glad, yet the feeling he blocked the others path to be success was still filling his head. He crushed the paper in his palm. He retreated objecting Toru's resolution for knowing Toru wouldn't listen. Sometimes Toru was more self-centered than him, only that way that _gachapin_ guy could bear with him. “Really,” said he with soft chuckle, “I'm glad you're our leader.”

Toru snorted for that, what’s wrong with today? He started the day with praises, in addition, twice, very unusual.

“Then,” Toru said, “how about your kid? Are you planning raising him alone?”

Taka was pulled to his deep thought for seconds, “Don't know, I might move to _Kaa-san_ ’s house, or… I don't know! I have just decided it for fucking seconds!”

“Right…”

“But,” Taka halted, he looked at his feet again, scratching his elbow as his unhealed habit, “I don't wanna bother her… I alone really am hard to raise, that kid, is undoubtable look like me, I'm pitying her for raising two of me.”

“Hm… you know, I, Ryota, and Tomoya—”

“I don't wanna drag you three as well, it's my own problem, moreover they have wife and kid—"

“While I don't have any.”

Taka gazed Toru pure in surprise. Toru calmly, with determination, too, stared at Taka. Both men were just staring in each other's eyes as silent engulfed them back as some black sheet had covered the stars and the moon, along with those crickets restraining them scrubbing their wings.

 

* * *

 

Taka and Toru didn't come back to Tomoya and Ryota that night. They spent the rest night in the park discussing about the next step they would take and visited incubation once before Toru ordered Taka to take some rest with Tomoya and Ryota while he went home to fetch new clothes for the four of them. Taka obeyed like a good puppy and went to the place of the rest member were. Well, he did go to the lobby, but not for sleeping. He looked at the tired faces of his friends and began wondering what have he done to be given those people by his side, never leave his side even though he was that moody, temperamental, and immature.

As a nurse passed him, he asked a blanket to cover them, just when he covered them, he realized, although they had tired face, they did sleep in peace, like a little kid waiting the sun comes up and playing again until night comes. Taka’s mouth drew a sad smile, he wondered how their faces will be appeared when he announced that they would go in hiatus. Sad? Angry? Or happy? Neither of them Taka was wished for, he didn't even know which reaction he should prefer. All he could do just wait, and see himself the reaction when that time came.

Taka sat beside Ryota, he faced those two.

He whispered, very low, very weak, “Don't leave me…”

 

* * *

 

“Where's Taka and Ryota?”

Toru whose hands full of bag he had fetched from his house containing the members' clothes asked Tomoya who just awoke and was brushing his eyes sleepily. Blanket covering him was sliding, fell to the cold floor. “Go walk with Ryota.”

“Oh— _cough—_ since when?”

“Um… 6?”

“That's a long walk,” Toru muttered as he saw the clock near the receptionist telling him it was 7. He dropped his ass down on the bench next to Tomoya, pulling the fallen blanket, “go bathing, I've done mine.”

“M’kay.”

Toru gave Tomoya the bag and checked Taka's phone—the vocalist had asked him to charge the phone when he went home—a message from Moriuchi Shinichi was appeared telling him that the father will be coming today. He shoved the phone into the bag, looking at an old couple was walking before him side-by-side with smile and praising how good the weather was. Maybe Taka did need a walk, fresh air in the morning could soothe him. Toru just hoped Taka had his jacket with him.

Ten minutes passed, Tomoya got out from the bathroom with steams around his body, fresh and look nice. “When the burial will be held?” asked he.

Toru shook his head, still had no clue, “They have to wait her parents come from America right? Maybe tonight, or tomorrow?”

“I see,” said Tomoya sitting down, “Taka-chan… I wish he can bear with it…”

“He will, it's Taka whom we speak about,” Toru said optimistically even though he did wish the same.

“Right, it's Taka-chan after all,” Tomoya smiled, “speaking of which, you okay? Your knees are shaking.”

“Hm…” Toru hummed. Although he kept his expression and tone remaining calm, he actually couldn't hold his knees for not shaking for impatience, he waited too long when fact said there was a lot things to discuss with the whole member about what they had decided that Toru will help Taka out and live together for awhile, Toru could move to Taka's house or vice versa, thus the other two had to know that. They had opted to keep making songs but merely for fun, with no deadline, with no agencies or other people will be involved, just exclusively for releasing stresses. They would ask Tomoya and Ryota about the hiatus thing despite feeling sure both of them would have no objection.

Then, Toru's mind went back to the park with starry night sky hours ago. When he asked Taka about the name of the baby. That time Taka doesn't either deny he has not decided yet or mention the name. Was that mean he had decided it? Or he hadn't? No matter how hard Toru thought, he would never find the answer, it was only Taka who knew the answer. If he wanted that answer, he had to brought the answer keeper near. The problem was, _where'd they go!?_

“How ‘bout Taka's son?” Tomoya's question pulled Toru back from his deep thought.

“Fine, healthier than anyone has expected.”

“Fantastic, really.”

“Yep.”

“So… will Takahiro—”

_DRRRRRT DRRRRRT_

Vibration from a phone in Toru’s pocket cut, Toru had expected it would be Shinichi calling Taka's phone telling his arriving, but no, Taka's phone was motionless. It was his own phone, Toru therefore fished his own phone, “Ryota?”

He was about to press the green button when some rough, fast, and in hurry steps came approached him and Tomoya. Its deafening and settling sound of those steps were echoing, so were the sound of wheeling tires. From afar, doctors with fluttered white cloak, accompanied by bed, nurses and some tools, was running through the corridor past lobby, they ran noisily that some patient was disturbed. Was there any scene out there? Who—

“ _Wanoku?”_

As the whispers from nurses who were running burst into his ears, Toru felt some prickly sensation all over his body. He didn't feel the vibrates his phone anymore, he just stock still trying to listen furthermore.

_“I saw some members on the site!”_

_“It's Wanoku!”_

_“Thought it’s Taka's wife who’s hospitalized.”_

_“She's died yesterday.”_

_“And now the member itself?”_

_“Poor them.”_

This time it was not only the nurses, whispers came from everywhere, they echoed inside Toru's head hitting him mercilessly. His knees were no longer shaking, his hands went cold, his feet was numb, and his chest was clogged. Was that true? One of his member needed paramedics? Who was that? Taka? Ryota? No… they said they just saw them, they were just… perhaps there, not involved. The caller itself could be Taka who borrowed Ryota's phone while Ryota helping the real victim, or… it could be anything else. Right… they might be just happened to be there in the moment, unscathed.

Yet, why his body still won't move?

“Toru!” Tomoya, notwithstanding feeling numb all over his body, shouted sending Toru back to earth. He dropped the bag he just held. He looked at the hands of Toru which were still not pressing the green button. “TORU! Pick that fucking call!”

Toru blinked in confusion. Right, the call. Answer it and he would know what had happened.

With a great tremor making him failed pressing the button, Toru finally could press the green button in his third tries, and with the same great amount of tremor, he placed the box near his ear, and was hearing carefully.

_“Toru—sob—help—”_

All at once, Toru's ears went deaf.

There were sobs behind the words.

“Toru! Who's that?”

There was no ‘san’ as the honorific.

He was scared. His mind was blown away. Hence, he was not answering. Sounds had failed to enter his eardrums, either Tomoya's, or the phone, or the chaotic surroundings. He stared into space, couldn't move a bone.

“Damn!” Tomoya snatched Toru's phone and listened to it himself. “Hello?”

 _“Tomo_ -kun!”

It was mixed. Both through the phone, and through the thin air. Bed pushed by doctors and nurses which were on the way could be seen from afar running toward them. Ryota was there, near the doctors, keeping his distance from the paramedics to not be in their way, had his phone on ear while running. And on the bed, therein laid a short-spike dark haired man. The bed’s white sheet was noted with blood stains sourced from the man over it. The bed was finally running past Toru and Tomoya, there, they felt time had ran slower, much slower that they clearly saw their vocalist pale face on the bed, unmoving, with his beautiful dark eyes were shut tightly. With blood stained his fair skin, with his chest were moving slow motion of the difficulty of breathing.

With his eyes wide-open, Toru witnessed it all, barely heard sounds, just some disturbing buzzes on his ears.

“Takahiro…”

 

* * *

 

_This morning, vocalist of One Ok Rock, Taka, was hit by a car when he was trying to safe a kid who plays a ball in a hospital—_

_—ka_ Wanoku _just being hit by a car this morning, the hospital where he was in has not given any statement so do the other members who were spotted on the hospital—_

_—calist of One Ok Rock just saved a—_

— _car and now—_

Slim, long fingers of Toru ran thorough his brunette hair and messed it up roughly in order to deafen his ears from the news echoing through the corridor. If he could, he would like to strangle the person who switched the channels over and over again to death, but of course he couldn't. He, Tomoya, and Ryota were have to wait now. After the chaos in the early morning they had, hospital gave them a room to take some rest while they were examining Taka. Ryota hadn't been speaking a word since he lost his footing near Tomoya and burst into cries by the time the bed passing them by. Tomoya, too, lost his all energy to hype the others. And him? He tried his best to not listen at the news.

He shook his knees again, it became a habit before he knew, he had waited like forever, he was tired, tired for doing nothing. He, then, looked at the unmoving Ryota. That guy's skin was pale, paler than when he heard Michelle was giving birth last year. He knew what Ryota was like, he should blame his self. As the matter of fact, they were childhood friend. “Ryota,” called he with dry voice, it was his first word since he knew Taka was not just happened to be in the site. “No one blames you, have to know that.”

Ryota looked at Toru, he nodded slowly and became a statue again.

With that little chat ended, the room became an uninhabited cave again until someone finally opened the door. A doctor with surgery uniform—all green—entered, behind him, Masako and Shinichi—whose face both lost its color—tailing along with a nurse, and somehow with a teenager girl and a boy with lollipop and ball in his embrace. The three members immediately stood in harmony in all politeness.

“Let's sit first, I'll explain,” said the doctor. "They are," –the doctor referred to the teenage girl and the boy— “the boy whom Taka has rescued, they have something to say to you.”

Toru gazed them with boredom in his eyes, it all had happened, no needed to say anymore, so he just stared at the sky behind the window, didn’t pay any little interest to hear their apologizes. It wouldn’d affect Taka even a bit.

“Ah, that’s coughing _Ojii-chan!”_

“Eh?”

The next Toru knew, the boy already pointed his littler finger at him, and the others questioned him with eyes. _Where did I meet this kid? Ah, the death-dog owner._

“Has your flu recovered?” asked the boy, had no ability to read the situation.

Toru scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah.”

“Thank god,” the kid smiled widely hurting Toru’s stuffy chest. If Taka didn’t rescue that boy, the smilling one should be Taka. If he didn’t rescue that kid, the one who stood beside him was likely Taka, with some bundle in his embrace.

Should he angry to the kid?

Or the teenager?

The answer was neither. Thus, he clenched his wist hard making it whitened.

With once again bow, the two went out, leaving the heavy atmosphere room. As the door shut close, the nurse pinned some black-greyish paper—X-ray paper—on a beaming wall. Those were pictures of brain, some pipe bones, fingers, and stuffs. As if Taka's entire small body was captured separately and be printed one by one. Soon, they already forgot about the kid and its guardian and paid attention toward those photos.

Gazing at those bones, those worried people sat in two lines, the parents on the front while the members on the back, all then faced the doctor whose fingers skillfully searched some certain paper in a bunch of papers. He read a certain paper for a second and eyed his guests.

“Firstly, Taka-san has been hit around his abdomen,” –the doctor pointed the picture of ribs— “all the ribs are now okay but needs time for them getting into one again as it should with proper function. Its internal organs are all undamaged fortunately,” said he followed by relief sighs. “The bones of his hands and legs are fractured—not in danger stage,” the doctor inhaled for awhile before averted his gaze from those worried eyes, “but unfortunately, his head also being hit,” explained the doctor making the tense of the room increased rapidly, they detained their breath waiting for the next words, hoping the following sentences would release their worries, “he was hit around these areas,” the doctor pointed parts of Taka's skull, “which is controlling consciousness, muscle coordination, and nerve. By all means… the risk he falls into coma is extremely high, I'm sorry saying this, please prepare yourself whatever the result is,” however, it appeared contrary.

It was like a death punishment for each of them. No one spoke, no one breathed with sound if it couldn't be said they had stopped breathing. The silence, then, was broken by the sobs of Masako. Her son had been healthy—physically—when the last time she sees him—last morning and the next morning she knew her splendid boy were motionless. She had to face her first ever daughter-in-law's death, and now he had to accept her son might likely will fall into coma. In addition, her first ever grandson would be a boy with no parents in his early life. Just how much she had to handle? How much the burden she had to heave? Sobbing seemingly the one and only thing she could do that time.

“I… will take the burial preparation and call the boys,” said Shinichi weakly before sloppily padded outside.

“I'll excuse now, you'll be informed when Taka’s condition is stable enough to have guest,” said the doctor, too, walked out, but not with the nurse.

She stepped closer to Toru instead, offering her palm. “Taka-san said give it to Toru-san,” said the nurse, she gave Toru some paper, a sloppy one, folded, and wrinkled. Toru paid no heed about the paper. He didn't want to pay attention at anything but reminding himself to kept breathing. It was so hard even though he didn't spilled a drop of tears. He thanked the nurse with a nod. As the nurse went out, Toru held his head down, that time he recognized that paper was the same one as Taka had folded and unfolded it over and over again this early day. It reminded him about the thing they supposed to discuss with the whole member.

Should he bring it up now? Masako was here too.

He debated with the two sides of him, and at last, Toru opened his mouth, “Taka… he has decided it.”

Toru’s sudden voice caught all the attention of the human being in the room including Ryota. They eyed Toru who chose to stared at his feet, seemed Taka's habit had influenced him.

“We have talked, last night—no, today... he… decides to raise his son, so I offered him to take a break,” Toru rested first, no one spoke as they wait for the further information, “I… proposed to bring _Wanoku_ to hiatus and of course it's just a simple blurt and we will make the final decision after discussing it with you guys… and about him raising his son… I offered him a hand, we have decided to raise his baby together.”

“He wants to—” uttered Masako weakly, her sobs became crazier, her shoulders were shaking greatly.

“With this event, there's no way we still continue the band, right?” Toru threw his glance over Tomoya and Ryota. Both the members in harmony nodded, they were in line to go hiatus. “Also... about the baby...”

Toru silent first.

“I'll take him with me, I'll raise him alone until Taka's back, it's also his decision after all.”

 

* * *

 

In the afternoon, none of them received the notice that Taka's condition became stable, seeing no heyday from the vocalist, while Masako was being a stubborn waiting her son outside the ICU, the rest members were called by both their agencies who already heard the news and it certainly pissed Toru off. He was tired, and he was certain his members were so, he immediately called his manager to refuse those calls from agency and say they went into hiatus whether or not with their consent. Irresponsible it surely was sounded. Toru was fully aware of that, but he was also left with no choice either. Even if those agencies cut their contract off, it was no skin off his nose, he would find another one later, after Taka's awakening. It was their final decision, no one could intervene with that.

“Just go home and take some rest,” ordered Toru to the drummer and bassist. Toru needed to put a little bit of force since they insisted to stay with him, waiting Taka gaining some progression. “You two look like shit, go to your wife and kid, I'll keep in touch with you, just go.”

“But—”

“No buts, I've to go to ICU, don't make me repeat.”

Tomoya and Ryota changed gazes, they indeed look like shits. In the end they nodded and walked away leaving the hospital. And on the other hand, Toru just stood. He, again, didn't feel like going to ICU, it hurt him seeing Masako like that. Therefore he moved his feet, not toward ICU, but the incubation. He reached right in time when the nurse who asked Taka to go inside was there, she noticed Toru's presence and approached him. “ _Ano…_ I heard Taka-san…”

“That's right,” said Toru short.

“Sorry for hearing that,” said she, “umm… I know it sounds rude… but, how about the baby?”

Toru moved his eyes from the nurse to the sleeping baby, he slept peacefully, knew nothing about his parents’ conditions.

“I'll take him with me.”

“Eh?”

“Taka’s saying.”

“Ah… you need the family's consent and law things though, I'll help you later.”

“Thanks.”

“Umm… wanna go inside?”

Toru inclined his head, “I believe only parents who are permitted, and… I'm still sick.”

“You are the parent now, and… you can use a mask.”

Toru was not answering, he had hesitated for a glimpse time before tailed the nurse went inside the sterile room with a mask. He had to refuse touching the baby and just stood looking at the small creature. He was indeed has a bunch of Taka's genes. Toru had seen Taka in his baby form, they were really look alike. He started wondering like how Taka was feeling when he touches his baby, or what Taka was thinking when he sees his baby. Those mixed expressions, how it felt?

Toru didn't know all those answers. He knew nothing about parents' feeling, let alone about raising kids. Should he take his word and give the responsibility to Masako? Masako could raise the baby much better—since she had experienced once—and the baby must be happier to be raised by his own grandma than a… stranger.

With the thought of that, Toru clenched his jaws. He really was just a stranger. To Taka, to the baby. Was it okay to bring this baby home?

“Has him decided a name yet?” all of sudden, the nurse asked him. The nurse stared him with sad beam, “he has not huh?”

_Name?_

Toru frowned, was Taka really hadn't decide a name yet? He had decided to raise his son last night, there was a lot of time to think a name, he should have thought at least one. Or just scratch some lines forming kanji. In a paper.

The paper. That paper. The wrinkled paper.

Taka had passed the wrinkled paper to him certainly without no purpose.

Came up with the sudden realization, hastily, Toru dove his hand into his pocket, fishing the folded, crumpled paper. Soon, lines of two letters of kanji lay before him, first one had six strokes, forming a kanji that meant ‘Light,’ and the next kanji, was familiar to him, a kanji which was used in the last letter in ‘Takahiro’, altogether, it became a name that meant light and generous.

He was pulled back again to the park, sat together with Taka whose eyes stared at the night starry sky.

_“Before I touched him, it feels like I’m blind, darkness was everything I can see and I can't think straight. But when I touched him, a path made by light was lay down before me, and the next second, all the darkness were gone.”_

Right. That was the name Taka had thought all night long, Taka said it himself to Toru when they were on their way toward the lobby. It was from Taka, the father of the baby. The father of a light.

“No… it’s Mitsuhiro. Moriuchi Mitsuhiro.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning came, medias went crazier once their dog noses smelled something interesting to be printed and spread to pocket some money. They had stormed the hospital for hours and now they were like ants offered with honey. It supposed to be a calm, nice morning for doing the burial. Yet had the medias won't be more patience if they were not fed up with statements, there the members were going. With now all in black, they stood side by side, as triplet, not quartet, facing all the cameras so the burial would be held smoothly.

“How's Taka?” asked an interviewer.

“He's stable now,” answered Toru.

“What will _Wanoku_ do? Are you keep releasing your new album?”

“No, we’ve delayed it until uncertain time,” again Toru answered.

“Why?”

“We want Taka feels the same euphoria, we want feel the euphoria together and celebrate it together as well.”

“How about Taka's kid?”

“It’s settled, it won't be released in public without Taka's consent, please don't do useless things to find out.”

“And—”

“Sorry,” Toru broke in, “we have to go now, and err… one last thing, we are not performing anything without Taka, and I beg you, don't do any disturbing things for each member and their family, thank you,” Toru finished his statements with a deep bow, Tomoya and Ryota did the same with sobs on the way of their breath.

With that, the exhausting event was ended. The burial was held with no problem. Some following days, Toru came back to the hospital, and went home with Moriuchi Mitsuhiro in his embrace.

* * *

_To be Continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name of the baby is just purely mad by the google helps since I can't speak Japanese.
> 
> The next chapter will be posted on Sunday.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting in the early morning, I just had a really-early test on Sunday and just got home...

 

Second week of November, weather had been being colder. Homoeothermic animals started hibernating or at least hiding in some warm place from the cold winter wind. Houses turned its heat on, closed its every gap preventing the wind to come in, so did rooms in hospitals, especially in a hospital in which Moriuchi Takahiro was doing his long-period sleeping. Windows were all closed while the curtains were folded aside letting sunlight to penetrate through the medium. Only the sound of machines supporting his respiratory that could be heard, aside that, the room was totally mute with its one and only occupant was sleeping for no one knew when he will lift his eyelids.

_Knock knock!_

“Taka, I'm coming in.”

One of two doors in that room swayed open after that knocks. Yamashita Toru opened the room, peeked for a wink, and stepped in. He looked around and walked closer toward the sleeping man. He tugged a chair and sat right beside the bed.

“ _Ohayou_ ,” taking his cloak off, he greeted first, but after that, no words flow through his mouth though he had his mouth formed an O. He was stuck.

What should he do with an unconscious person?

“Um… I—”

_Knock knock._

Another knocks cut Toru short. Toru's opened mouth ordered to enter for a change. It was apparently the nurses, three nurses to be exact, they indeed came from time to time checking Taka's condition.

“Good morning, Toru-san,” one of them greeted, they bowed politely. They went in after had got their reply from the gust, pushing a cart full of medical things. “You come very early,” said the one who greeted him, “Taka-san doesn't even take a bath.”

“A-ah… Yeah, I have some business at noon,” replied Toru, he did have a meeting today, he therefore took a visit beforehand.

“I see,” the nurse smiled and turned around to help the other nurses.

With Toru's eyes on them, their hands started fishing bandages, medicines, and an injection. Toru frowned in objection, Taka hates pain, he hates to be injected.

“Taka-san,” called some other nurse, “I will bath you and open your bandage and replace it to the new ones, I'll inject you as well, it might be a bit uncomfortable, excuse me.”

As they were doing their works, Toru kept an eye on them. They unbuttoned Taka's clothes—making Toru bit his lips for seeing that bony figure were covered with bruises and bandages—opened the old bandages and put the new ones, setting the infusion, checking the machines, weeping some part of Taka's body, and lastly, injecting Taka with some transparent liquid.

“May I ask?” said Toru when they were cleaning up those tools. They nodded in sync. “You were asking him to open bandages and stuff, is that mean… he hears it?”

As the other two settled things up, the rest one answered him, “Might be yes, might be no, some coma patient sometimes regains little of their consciousness, in this case, they can feel or hear something unconsciously, in also unpredictable time, it'd be better for us to ask his permission when we check him.”

Toru nodded, “I see…”

“Then, we will off, hope he will be better,” said she bowing followed by the rest nurses.

Just when they were about to step out, Toru called them again, “I—um… what… what should I do to… you know, as a visitor? I can't just sit, right?”

The latter nurse smiled for hearing the question and said, “It’s certainly proven that coma patient feels more comfortable when the loved one holds its hand or tells some story, little random talk surely a big help. And also… when you talk to him, tell him who you are first, it assures them.”

“Is that so… thanks,” said Toru.

“Anytime.”

The door was closed, Toru looked at the sleeping Taka now with fresh bandages.

“Holding hands… feels like we're closing a live,” uttered he, “and chats… it feels wrong having you speak nothing while I'm on the way around,” Toru chuckled. It really did sound funny. “Okay… let's do that.”

Toru slowly took Taka's pale, bony, and injected with needles hand into his, he smiled sadly as he recalled the sensation he felt in every lives they held, he missed those feelings, the sweaty body, the grins on the members faces, the scenery of lights sparkled around the stage, he missed it all although this time Taka's hand was cold, not hot and sweaty. “Wow… you've lost weight,” said he gulping all those sorrow feelings.

“It's me… Toru, I'm sorry I can't visit you yesterday like others, and...” he stopped talking not knowing what to do.

He gradually let Taka's hand go, “I'll come again,” and left the room.

 

* * *

 

Two days later, Toru came back visiting Taka. He tugged the same chair, sat on it, and was gazing at the silent frontman.

“It's me, Toru, I have thought hard about this… and, it's difficult to be honest, but if you do... if you do understand what I'm saying, I thought about what you wanna hear from me firstly is surely about your kid, am I right?

“So..." Toru grabbed his phone, picked a picture, and showed it to Taka, “it's him, your son, Mituhiro. He is… about two weeks old now, he doesn't inherit your allergic toward milks, he loves it a lot, he’s growing very fast, much bigger than we’ve seen him in incubation.”

Toru shoved the phone back into pocket, he covered Taka's palm with his, “He really is growing fast, if you didn't wake up soon, you gonna miss his babyhood, he needs you in his childhood, we, One Ok Rock need you, so wake up...”

Tears welled up making his heavy eyelids barely could hold it anymore. As if Taka saw him behind the closed eyed, Toru looked down hiding behind his blond strands. Gradually, tears which he held very hard were dropped wetting the white sheet.

“Takahiro…”

 

* * *

 

Days went on, Toru came back again continuously. He had used to talk with the sleeping Taka and started adapting with the shits. It was early December, days before his 30 birthday.

“Taka, I'm coming in,” said Toru opening the door. He tugged a chair and sat on it. He automatically gripped Taka's hand as the other fished his phone, like the other days, he did show it to Taka, a photo in which Mitsuhiro with his big, dark, and round eyes was looking at the camera while sucking Toru's big tip finger, “It's me, Toru, and it's your son, Mitsuhiro, he gains weight, and becomes very heavy, he likes sucking things, doctor has told me his teeth might be surfaced soon, some babies can do have teeth very early, he said.

“One Ok Rock… it is the same as you, sleeping. We meet up sometimes, chatting, eating, only that. We can't play instrument without you. It is strange. Uh… somehow, I kinda… producing a song to a new singer, she gives me Avril's vibes and she reminds me of you, a little tiny part though, she can do high and low tones, so I do arrange some song for her.

“And uh… it's getting near… my birthday, won't you sing happy birthday as the has been? It'll be a perfect present. You always fight for it right? Giving people perfect presents. Do that. I want that badly, you hear me, Takahiro?”

 

* * *

 

_December 7 th, 2018_

_(Camera turned on, Toru's face was on screen)_

_“Er… it's Toru everyone, eh… it has been almost a month since Taka had gone to coma, and now, as you already know, it's my birthday, thank you very much for congratulating me, really, you are all fantastic. I'm 30 now, I hope I can be gentler and better person.”_

**_Did you in hospital? Taka's room?_ **

_“Hm? Yes, I'm in Taka's room in hospital, not only me, but the others as well. We are celebrating my birthday here, just the four of us. Actually, it's so weird for not having Taka singing Happy Birthday, it seems like I haven't turned 30 because of that (chuckle)._

_“Anyway, thank you for the congratulations and the presents. I have new guitar from Tomoya, and this is…”_

_(Ryota screamed from afar.)_

_“A book for seeking a wife, from Ryota, I don't know why he gives me this though. And here's the cake.”_

_(Camera filmed a blueberry cheesecake)_

_“If Taka were here, it should be strawberry shortcake. Uh, I forgot, I’m also given a present from Taka.”_

_(The camera turned around, filming the sleeping Taka on the bed.)_

_“His respiratory supporter has just taken off this morning!”_

**_Wow!_ **

**_Glad to hear_ **

**_Great!_ **

**_Thank God_ **

_“Yes, it's great. Really. Though I ask him to sing Happy Birthday, but well, it's still better, he has been trying his best since that happened, hopefully he could gain consciousness soon to see himself his growing kid.”_

**_Where's Taka's son?_ **

**_No one brings baby to hospital_ **

**_Except the baby is sick_ **

**_Think he will cry seeing his father like that_ **

**_I’m crying_ **

_“Hm? Well, yes, I don't bring him in the hospital, he is with his grandma, I'm afraid viruses will get into him. Anyhow, thank you for all your concerns, I solemnly hope we will be in stage soon, bye.”_

_(Tomoya and Ryota both shouted good byes and smacks voice was heard, then the screen was off.)_

 

* * *

 

_February 14 th, 2019_

_“Hello, it's Toru again. I want to apologize deeply for you all because, yesterday, and tomorrow are supposed to be the d-day when our new album is released. But as you know, we are foursome band and it means nothing to release a thing when we are short of a member. Hope you understand the circumstances.”_

**_I'm sad but I understand_ **

**_Get well soon Taka, get release soon new album_ **

**_Wanna see you guys_ **

**_Where's the baby?_ **

**_You alone?_ **

**_Baby?_ **

_“Me? I'm alone—no, actually I'm in Taka's room,” (Toru turned the camera shooting Taka on the bed) “Tomoya and Ryota are in their house celebrating valentine. I'm here checking Taka's progression and giving him… not from me though, chocolate from his mother. Yes, Mi—his son is with Masako-san.”_

**_The baby's name is started with ‘Mi’!_ **

**_Mihiro?_ **

**_Michiro?_ **

**_Michiru_ **

**_Mitsuru_ **

**_Mitsuki?_ **

_“Err… ehm… lastly, I want to thank to you guys, for sending me chocolates, and also for Taka, they are mounting, showing how you guys love Taka. I don't know either why he creates ‘Hard to Love' when he loves and to be loved as a piece of cake. I swear, I don't know.”_

**_Lol!_ **

**_Yeah._ **

**_I THINK SO TOO!_ **

_“Okay, it'll be the end for the live, Taka has been not giving a significant development, but I'm sure he won't give up, bye!”_

_(Camera went black.)_

 

* * *

 

_April 17 th, 2019_

_(Camera turned on filming Taka.)_

_“_ _Thirty one years old! Taka's birthday! He is still sleeping—agh, Ryota, take Micchan from me, he's falling—”_

**_It's Micchan!_ **

**_Micchan, hello~~_ **

**_You've dropped it?_ **

**_Micchan! Mori-chan!_ **

**_Is he fell off?_ **

_(Toru filming himself)_

_“_ _Well… yes, it's called Micchan, he is about to be five months old now, and he starts learning crawling, he is heavy, thankfully he doesn't inherit Taka’s smallness._

_“And… here's our birthday boy, he is much fresher now, and his hair is growing, like 2013 era.”_

_(Camera turned at Taka again)_

**_Film Micchan please!_ **

**_Yes, reminds me of 2013 era_ **

**_Don't cut his hair_ **

**_Wanna see Micchan too_ **

**_Taka looks good with either curly or spiky_ **

_“No, I can't film Micchan, unless Taka gives me the allowance to do that.”_

**_You guys look like newlywed._ **

**_#Toruka, lolololol_ **

**_My ship has sailed_ **

_“Err… stop it. I do this live to thank you all for the presents and wishes for Taka, it's the fifth months for us went into hiatus, it is weird actually, for having nothing to do. Usually we have tours and concerts line up, but nothing we have now. Sometimes we meet up and play our instruments, just old songs though. We have to be prepared in case Taka gains consciousness, it can be anytime and hopefully in no time. It's still weird though with no vocal, with no Taka nagging at every little thing. Well, all we can do is just hoping, and wishing._

_“Okay, we'll eat the strawberry shortcake now.”_

_(Camera showed strawberry shortcake on the table.)_

_“Thanks again for congratulating and wishing Taka for the best, see you later!”_

_(Camera was turned off.)_

 

* * *

“Taka, I’m coming in,” said Toru opened the same door he had opened since the past half year, he tugged the same chair, sat in the same distance, and did the same as the past half year: held Taka’s hand and started the one-direction conversation with the same words.

“It’s me, Toru."

 

* * *

 

September, 2019.

It was the tenth months One Ok Rock had been inactive in entertainment world. Also the tenth month Toru had become hospital's familiar face. Almost exactly three times a week, he came to Taka's room, only for sitting, talking about little things, and doing nothing. Sometimes he had Mitsuhiro with him since that boy was getting big, like now.

He sat in an armchair, reading magazine, after had placed Mitsuhiro on the bed near his father. That boy was asleep next to his sleeping father. Toru had no worries since he was there keeping Mitsuhiro from falling in case that little boy rolled around in his sleeping, and in addition, he had Taka on the other side, too, as a barrier. So he paid no heed when the little boy rolled to his right, toward Taka, and kept reading the magazine.

It was two minutes after Mitsuhiro rolled his body, his round and big eyes started flickering open, instead of crying, unsteadily, he began sitting with his own, looked confused for not realizing where he was. Toru stopped reading magazine and fished a bottle of milk from his bag near his feet, Mitsuhiro always drinks milk after he wakes up. The hiatus band leader just managed to unzip his bag when Mitsuhiro suddenly burst into tears.

“I’m grabbing your milk, wait a moment,” said Toru without looking at the boy. He stood—intending to hold the little man—and smiled when a pair of dark eyes stared him in eyes suggesting that Mistuhiro had ended crying.

But soon, less than a second, his smile faded, the fact that Mitsuhiro's loud scream wasn't over snapped his thought hard. The boy hadn't stopped his crying. And the dark eyes which gazed at him was not Mitsuhiro's.

It was Takahiro's.

“Takahiro…”

 

* * *

 

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think please :)


End file.
